It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
