does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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