apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
