I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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