i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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