Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So many bounce houses so little time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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