Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
