my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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