I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
