Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
