So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
