I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
