so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
