dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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