it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
