i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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