they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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