Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
