he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
