i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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