sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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