she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and she was petting her beer can
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
