If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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