he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
