her vagine was all disorganized.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
