How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
