you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
