I cockslap morals
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My bed smells like the plague
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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