You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
