Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
