took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
