Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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