it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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