The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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