He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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