They should really pass out barf bags in church
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
