you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
