Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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