Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
