# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm at about main and main street
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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