I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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