The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
