the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
