the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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