I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
