She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love you.
Bad choice
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
