Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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