Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
