i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
