we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
