I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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