I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
