Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
