I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
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