stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
