you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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