she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
