Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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