All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
