Can Purell be used as lube?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
