I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
