I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
