my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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