Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
