Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
