If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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