I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
