Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
