is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
