yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
