So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
