i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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