So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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