So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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