Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
