I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize