Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
