So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
