So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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