trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
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we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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