Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
