I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize