The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
