I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
